• 23 million Americans are out of work, have stopped looking for work, or are underemployed.

• $16 trillion national debt (that’s $50,000 for every American).

• 43 straight months of 8 percent or higher unemployment.

• Four straight trillion-dollar budget deficits in a row — more than any other president combined.

The above statistics are a good thing, right? Absolutely!

In his acceptance speech on Sept. 6, 2012, Obama promised his leadership would take us where the “path is harder” and the “road is longer.”

Sounds great. Just what we need.

He also promised that he’d make “the kind of bold, persistent experimentation that Franklin Roosevelt pursued during the only crisis worse than this one.”

We definitely need further experimentation with our economic system. The current chaotic state of the economy must soon be conquered or we shall perish. A promise he’s been making for three years.

Be still, my heart. I can’t handle such an optimistic attitude. It’s overwhelming.

Therefore, in the throes of unbelievable mental agony, I’m burning my membership card to the Republican National Committee, and I’m cancelling my membership in the Tea Party — those terrible blatherskite know-nothings.

I promise to discontinue my inflammatory, self-righteous, neo-con hate speech and to write only about what is acceptable to the progressive liberal establishment.

That would be abortion on demand; larger government; a weaker national defense system; persecution of Jews and Christians; crony capitalism; unlimited gun control; support of illegal immigration. Have I omitted something? Oh yes — voter fraud, gay marriage and unlimited spending.

The epiphany is now complete.

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