Tukee Talk Leah Derewicz

I have Olympic fever, I love the Winter Olympics and so far in the first week, I haven’t been disappointed. Since my dream of participating in the Olympics was nothing more than a pipe dream, I’ve decided to create my own. I’ve watched many Olympians that thank their mom (and dads) for all the support over the years to help them win a medal. Why should the kids have all the fun, why not have our own Olympics or “Mom Olympics.” We don’t need to worry about a winter or summer season since being a Mom Olympian is a year-round pursuit.

Here are my (with the help of friends) ideas on events:

1. Toddler diapering — pretty self-explanatory — changing a wiggling, on the run toddler with not only speed, precision, and style points are a bonus.

2. SUV Slalom race. Each racer has their own SUV outfitted with three children (not real children, just robots that talk, sing, argue and spill snacks constantly), one car seat and sporting equipment. The race will consist of turns and twists to get each child to their event while hitting the drive-thru and making it back to the first drop-off on time and safely. Points awarded here for safe speed, time and happy children — yes, the robot children will also keep a score. Bonus points for not playing children’s music while driving.

3. Biathlon. Instead of cross country skiing and target shooting, this will be hurdles and precision folding. While carrying a 25-pound toddler (mannequin) on your back, you must sprint through the hurdle portion of the half-mile race; the hurdles you will jump over on the first lap will be a variety of heights built from LEGOS. Then you will stop and make a bed with “hospital corners.” The second lap of the race, your hurdles will be loads of laundry in varying sizes. After completing the second lap, you will head to the precision area to iron and hang a shirt — deductions for wrinkles. Then it is a sprint to the finish line. Speed and precision is what wins this race.

4. Freestyle Multitasking Marathon. As all mothers know very well, we’re great at multi-tasking. I’m sure after these Olympics, many of our moms will go on to be professional multi-taskers! Anyway, here is the event lowdown: each Olympian will have a stack of 15 plates, every plate representing a different task to be done by the end of the day:

a. Get children ready for school.

b. Pack lunches.

c. Drive to school.

d. Go to bank.

e. Pay bills.

f. Go workout.

g. Do laundry.

h. Clean house.

i. Volunteer at school.

j. Pick-up children.

k. Supervise homework.

l. Make dinner.

m. Get children to and from sports practice.

n. Pick-up groceries.

o. Give children baths, books and bedtime.

Now, think “Wipeout” — on a large padded circle beam, each contestant will stand, balancing the plates while having to jump a revolving arm. The revolving arm will go different speeds and varying heights. Last one standing wins the gold medal — bonus points for wearing high-heeled shoes.

5. Nose Knows. This is for the experienced mom. Being blindfolded, you will use your nose to “Name that smell.” Each round is an advanced age level — starting with infants through high school. The last mom standing and still breathing wins the gold medal.

6. Laundry Sprint. Set up around a one-mile race track, the moms will need to pick up the laundry, sort it into whites, colors and darks. Putting each load into a washing machine and setting it to the correct water temperature, then sprint to the finish line. Speed and precision will win this race.

I’m sure that Procter & Gamble will want to sponsor this event since most moms are big supporters of their products. Well, I’ve had enough time sitting at my desk writing this article, better get back to training for the Freestyle Multi-Tasking Marathon event. What event will you be bringing home the gold?

• Leah Derewicz is a 15-year Ahwatukee Foothills resident. Reach her at mom@hanginwithmyboyz.me.

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