Another year has come and gone. For my money, 2010 was one of the best years for movies that we've had in some time. But for every great movie there was an equally excruciating one. Today I'm going to get my revenge on Hollywood by counting down the 10 worst movies of 2010.
10. Jonah Hex
This is laziest and most forgettable of all recent comic book adaptations. Despite its inexplicable plot and poor production values, Jonah Hex makes the unwise choice to play the entire movie with a poker face. The only high point of this dreck is Josh Brolin, who manages to bring some class to his performance as the brooding, self-righteous title character. Other than that we get some truly lackluster work from Megan Fox, who demonstrates more than ever that performing is not her strong suit.
9. The Bounty Hunter
A more appropriate title for The Bounty Hunter would have been, "Jennifer Aniston plays with her hair and Gerard Butler tries to act romantic but just looks like he wants to chop somebody's head off." The plot is as formulaic as they come. Butler and Aniston yell at each other, run from each other, and drive golf carts into lakes because getting wet is always funny, right? Then despite their incompatibility, the two still end up together in the end. Is any of it funny, romantic or charming? Not in the slightest.
8. Grown Ups
Depsite their long string of uninspired comedies, I do think that Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider are all capable of being funny. So was it too much for me to keep an open mind and hope that Grown Ups would have at least a few funny moments? Apparently. This is one of those movies that the cast clearly had a good time making as they crack each other up. Unfortunately the audience isn't in on any of the jokes. In addition to all the lazy in-jokes, the film features loads of humor revolving around breast-feeding a 4-year-old, relations with a senior citizen, and not one, but two O.J. Simpson gags.
7. Cop Out
Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan play two cops that have been partners for nine years. But they have about as much chemistry as two people that met only five minutes ago. Cop Out comes fully equipped with every buddy cop cliché in the book. The problem with Cop Out is that it never seizes the opportunity to satirize these clichés. Instead we just get a lot of uninspired action sequences and tiresome comedy bits. What's even more amazing is that the film's director is Kevin Smith, who has made one great movie after another. At least Smith isn't responsible for writing the film's laugh-free screenplay.
One thing is for certain about Ashton Kutcher: If there were an award for most overacting on movie posters, he'd take the gold every year. This guy can barely get through a sentence without smiling at the camera, making him the most unlikely actor to play a professional assassin in Killers, the only action romantic comedy of the year that was even worse than The Bounty Hunter. For the first act of Killers we see glimpses of a potentially exciting and sexy romp. But whatever little fuel Killers has runs out fairly quickly as the film unearths its plot, which goes from inexplicable to inexplicable annoying to flat out unbearable.
5. Sex and the City 2
Based on this selection you might assume that I hate Sex and the City. But that's not true at all. As a matter of fact, I love Sex and the City. I even went out and bought the $200 collectors DVD set. Sex and the City 2, however, is a needless follow-up that makes the audience hate the very character they once loved. What I find truly degrading about this movie though is that it pretends to embrace the female sex when all it really does is depict women as whiny, self-absorbed and needy.
4. You Again
Believe it or not there was another movie this year even more contrived than Sex and the City 2 and it was called You Again, a painfully unfunny alleged comedy that literally makes you feel dumber as you endure it. Kristen Bell plays Marni, a successful businesswoman who returns home to learn her brother is marrying her high school nemesis, Joanna. The notion that Marni's witless brother would be marrying this woman is already contrived enough. You Again adds another level of idiocy to the plot when Joanna's aunt is introduced to Marni's mother. It's revealed that these two were once best friends turned rivals after a senior prom incident. Did the planets literally line up? Material like this might get by on a sitcom. As a movie though, You Again is as bad as any of the unfunny comedies I've seen this year.
As much as I hate to admit it I did sit through all of Marmaduke. Even more amazing is that I managed to do it without killing myself. Looking back on the ordeal, though, I at least wish that I had done myself the courtesy of walking out of the theater. It's hard to imagine that a producer saw a Marmaduke comic strip and said, "Now here's a movie!" I suppose Marmaduke is just further evidence that Hollywood will literally attempt to stretch anything into a feature.
2. I Spit on Your Grave
I Spit on Your Grave is a film every bit as vile and despicable as the title suggests. This is a malevolent piece of filth that attempts to pass off the raping of an innocent woman as a good time at the movies. Some may construe this as entertainment. I call it a sick, reprehensible and unpleasant depiction of all humanity. If you want to see a great horror remake that came out in 2010, check out Let Me In or The Crazies. If you see I Spit on Your Grave you risk never wanting to sit through another movie again.
1. The Last Airbender
M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender is the most joyless experience I've had at the movies in some time. Not since Batman & Robin in 1997 has a director taken a great license and crucified it in a more unholy fashion. Whatever charm the original animated series had is lost in this unbearably boring live-action interpretation that provides not a single moment of wit or imagination in its whole running time. If you've never seen the animated series you'll be confused and annoyed. If you are familiar with the animated series, you'll feel as if your heart has been torn out. But I could forgive the film's severe miscasting, senseless direction, distractingly flashy visuals, and inaccuracy to the series if only Shyamalan had managed to pronounce the main character's name correctly.