Ask Mikey (March 26)

Dear Mikey:

How do I convince my daughter that the way she treats her nieces and nephews needs to be the same? To not unfairly show a lot of attention to some and not to others.

Carolyn

The best way for someone to learn something is through repetition and lead by example.

For instance, the next time you and your daughter are at a family event with all of the kids, treat all the kids equally and that will influence your daughter to do the same. How we learn the majority of things in our lifetime is mostly through the examples of our parents and elders. The oldest generation leads the way for the newest and the best way to do that is by example.

If you treat the kids equally at all times, chances are your daughter will pick up on that. Sometimes we as human beings need to be showed the way instead of told the way.

I hope this helps Carolyn. Good luck!

Dear Mikey:

First of all, you rock!

I have an addiction to chewing tobacco. Now, I am struggling to find a way to empower myself to start the quitting process. What are some reason why I should quit? What are some ways or lifestyle changes I can do to help me with my dependency?

Eazy

First, I would like to say that I really admire your courage for coming out and admitting your dependency. That is really hard to do and it takes a lot of strength and humility to admit something so personal.

In order to quit anything you may be dependent on, you are the only person to decide if it is time for you to quit. You have to want to quit and be ready to quit before you can actually quit.

You asked why you should quit. I can suggest reasons why you should quit, but the real reasons lie within yourself. You have to ask yourself, "Why am I dependent on tobacco? Why did I start chewing? What do I think it does for me when I use it?"

In today's society, what I've come to realize is that chemical/substance abuse/dependency usually comes down to a form of possible peer pressure. A lot of kids get peer-pressured throughout the school system that if they don't try something (tobacco, drugs, alcohol, etc.) they aren't cool or nobody will respect them. In which case, it's exactly the opposite. That one time you get peer-pressured into trying something, that could be the start of your dependency on some form of drug that could last a lifetime. Once you're dependent, it turns into an addiction. Your addiction takes control over you. You want to stop, but you feel like you need the drug for whatever reason. You have to ask yourself why you feel like you need it. Is it worth having health issues? Is it worth having a lifetime of dependency?

Kids don't realize that they will be respected more later on in life for resisting the peer pressure than to give into it. It takes a lot of strength and will power to resist peer pressure, but it can be done. We've all had times where we gave in but almost always wished we had resisted.

We all have our reasons as to why we started a certain behavior, but if you really want to stop the behavior/addiction/dependency you have to be ready to. Once you're ready and have admitted your problem you can then take the necessary steps to quitting your addiction, such as support groups, counseling, buddy system, etc.

If you are ready to quit, but are having trouble getting started, I highly suggest using the buddy system for starters. The buddy system is where you tell a friend of yours what your concern is. In this case you would tell them that you're addicted to tobacco and you want to quit and are ready to but that you are asking for help in doing so. So every time you reach for that can of chew you instead have to call your friend. You tell your friend that you want the chew and tell him the reason why you feel like you need it. Usually, by the time this happens and the time it takes for you and your friend to talk, the craving passes.

You could also have a longer buddy system where when you have a craving you have to call a certain number of friends who are willing to help you. For example, you have to call 12 people. By the time you call 12 people, chances are you aren't interested in the chew anymore.

Other suggestions are when you are craving chew, substitute it for gum, candy or your favorite food. If you hang out with people that chew or pressure you, distance yourself from them. There are addiction support group meetings in the newspaper.

One last suggestion is that every time you are having a craving, you can e-mail Mikey and explain why you want to give in. Mikey is always everyone's support system, so please know that I am here to help in any way I can.

I hope this helps Eazy. You have the will power and the strength inside you to quit if you really want to. Just believe in yourself and know that you got it in you to quit. Good Luck!

Dear Mikey:

Do you have any ideas on how I can get my adult children to go to church? I did not know the Lord until I was almost 40 - I would love to speed up the process for my children. Do you have any advice? It is so difficult to see society take God out of school and see what has happened when God has been replaced with guns. I would love for my children and young grandchildren not to make the mistakes I did.

Loving the Lord,

Marge

Thanks for writing in and sharing your thoughts about the Lord with us. I think that is wonderful that you found the Lord and want to share His grace and goodness with your children.

In today's society it does seem to be getting more difficult for people to hang on to, or join, their faith. Those who have never been part of a religious affiliation may be scared of the unknown to join. Others who have had the Lord in their life sometimes let him slip away due to daily life activities or pressures of society. However, what's wonderful about the Lord is although we may lose our way sometimes or steer onto the wrong path or away from His presence, He always welcomes us back with open arms, no matter how long we have been away from Him or if we are first-timers.

Most kids do not like to be forced into doing something new and possibly uncomfortable. If you pry too hard you can scare them entirely to where you burn the bridge of trying to get them to go to church.

Perhaps when you leave for church, gently invite them to go with you. If there are any events going on at the church that day, let them know about them to see if they are interested. Usually there is something going on before and/or after the ceremony, such as bake sales, arts and crafts, etc.

Another suggestion might be to just act normal and let God's light shine through you. It sounds like you are a spiritual person who is thankful for finding the Lord. You know that feeling you get when you leave church and you get a better perspective on life and you feel really good and positive? Just show what the Lord does so the people around you can see what God has done for you and I guarantee your positive attitude will be contagious towards your children, to where they will start to get curious about why mom's so positive and peaceful all the time.

I hope this helps Marge, but just remember to try not to pry too much, because prying could make your kids avoid the idea entirely. Let your children come to you and show, don't tell, what the Lord has already done for you.