Maybe it’s time for families to review their individual responsibilities

Whether you are gazing down proudly on your newborn or contemplating the purchase of a car for your teenager, motherhood is the most important, most consuming and most rewarding endeavor you will ever experience. It has life-long, profound consequences on a person's later development.

As John Steinbeck remarked in East of Eden (1952): "The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved."

The important reciprocal relationship between mother and child (fathers are extremely important as well, however, statistically mostly mothers are involved in infants' primary care, U.S. Department of Labor, 2003) we call bonding, occurs early on and recent research has established the biological process that determines healthy brain development and even the infant's later interpretation of the world as peaceful, pleasurable and loving.

In fact, studies by Salk et al (British Medical Journal, 1985) and Jacobson (Journal of Developmental Psychology, 2000) demonstrated that early significant attachment complications and history of a neglectful relationship between mother and infant had lifelong consequences for the child by exhibiting higher rates of self-destructive and anti-social behavior during adolescence.

Sadly enough, the role of motherhood is not valued by some, in fact, questioned as necessary by others, however, as a wise woman once stated:

The Child is the Father of the Man

The Child is the Mother of Culture

The Child is the Future of Humanity

Most would agree that motherhood is not only extremely important but has societal consequences.

Motherhood is selfless service to others, to vulnerable children and family that deserves the utmost respect and, better yet, recognition and assistance. In countries where more emphasis is put on care-giving, married mothers tend to stay home more with their children than they do in the U.S. In Sweden, for example, you have a year paid maternity leave and 85 percent of your salary. Fathers get one month paid paternity leave and a month vacation. When mothers return to work they have a statutory right to a six-hour-day. The law determines an 80 percent workweek

The U.S., unfortunately, has not caught on to the benefits of paid leave, but is slowly recognizing how valuable women are as a workforce, especially mothers, who have earned additional skills in time management, creativity, flexibility, and many others, since they have been mothers.

Motherhood should be viewed as the central work of modern economy, which is based on highly-skilled, creative and entrepreneurial individuals. Since child development tells us the future of a child begins at birth and requires an intense and caring relationship with a primary caregiver, typically the mother, forming the skills and capabilities of creating in essence "human capital" for the future of economic wealth, including a productive, creative and skilled labor force. The significant and important role of the mother has been ignored and her job is the only job where you have to pay to do it without financial reimbursement, since most families financial picture changes dramatically when a mother decides to stay home, according to recent statistics (The Families and Work Institute, 2004).

So after changing thousands of diapers, cleaning up other gut-wrenching messes and spills, adapting to the sleep schedule of a heart surgeon on call while tending to a sick child, helping with homework, heartaches with first loves, mothers still do their job without much complaining or pay, other than the fact that they know, without saying, that it is the most important and wonderful job they will ever have.

The difficult and important work of motherhood should not only be honored on Mother's Day, but needs much support and recognition from those around her. Statistics show that even working mothers still do most of the household chores, spend significantly more time with child-rearing responsibilities, such as homework, when compared to their husbands' family-related activities. Maybe it's time for families to review their individual responsibilities and for fathers to give more assistance.

Happy Mother's Day!

Astrid Heathcote is a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice, residence and three children in Ahwatukee Foothills. She can be reached at (480) 275-2249 or www.drastrid.org.