My comfortable Valentine - Ahwatukee Foothills News: Communitylife

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
Logout|My Dashboard

My comfortable Valentine

Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Tuesday, February 9, 2010 12:00 am

I wear sensible shoes.

It’s not so much a choice as a necessity. My shoes are solid and offer good support. They keep my feet from hurting. They are round and sturdy, named with round and sturdy syllables – Dansko and Joseph Siebel. Nothing airy and strappy sounding like Manolos or Jimmy Choos.

Occasionally, I wish I could wear some more exciting shoes, because, sometimes, when I am wearing my sensible shoes, I feel like them. I wonder if my shoes are a reflection of who I am. Solid, round, close to the ground, scuffed. Boring. But at the end of the day I’m not very willing to sacrifice comfort for flash. When I’ve got some walking and standing to do, I need my sensible shoes.

I do have some less sensible shoes. I call them my Date Shoes because all I can do in them is walk from the car to the table in the restaurant and sit down. Even at that I get my husband to drop me off before he parks. I feel exciting in my high, strappy date shoes. I feel taller, slimmer and maybe even more interesting. But I wouldn’t want to have to go far in them. They are not very comfortable.

Comfortable is underrated I think. When I was young, comfortable was not especially appealing. Even in my choice of shoes, comfort was not the first consideration. I wanted flash, zing, spice. Excitement and passion. Particularly thinking about marriage and relationships, to be comfortable hinted at resignation, being taken for granted, settling, giving up. To be comfortable, sounded to me, like death.

So I hesitate to even say this out loud, because no one wants to be compared to a sensible shoe, but when I think of my marriage today, one of the things I am most grateful for is that it is sturdy and comfortable.

Being comfortable is not what I feared so long ago. It’s not about being taken for granted. Instead, it’s about being known and understood. It’s not resignation. It’s being safe, and at ease. It’s not settling. It’s being secure, confident of the fit. It’s knowing that whatever comes our way, crisis or adventure or just the every day-ness of life, we can walk it together.

Comfortable is not giving up. Comfortable is being able to go the distance.

The opposite of comfortable in a marriage isn’t exciting, passionate romance. The opposite of comfortable is uncomfortable. And uncomfortable often means painful.

We see so much hurt and distress in the chafing of painful relationships around us. Hard hearts wearing blisters on each other’s souls. Dead callouses growing where hurtful straps have been pulled too tight. And far too often, unable to go on, we see people kicking off the discomfort and walking away.

Not that sturdy and comfortable mean there isn’t passion and excitement. My sensible shoes have taken me on some amazing adventures. You can’t walk the cobblestone streets of Paris or explore the alleys of Bangkok in high heels. You need the right footwear to go the distance. When you are comfortable in a marriage, the zing has some more substance to it – and durability. And somehow that ignites the passion and the love on an entirely different level.

So even if it should sound boring or perhaps unappealing, I love my Comfortable Valentine. And I’m grateful for a marriage that is as comfortable as a sensible shoe.


Jennifer Zach lives in Ahwatukee Foothills with her husband and three children. They are members of Bridgeway Community Church. She can be reached at

More about

More about

  • Discuss

Would-be Reagan assassin John Hinckley Jr. to be freed after 35 years

John W. Hinckley Jr. will be released from a government psychiatric hospital more than 35 years after he attempted to assassinate president Ro…

Published: July 27, 2016 - 7:51 am @…

Normandy, Istanbul, Dhaka, Nice, Baghdad, Orlando: WHY?

Peter Bergen: Recent terrorist attacks have claimed lives in France, Iraq, Bangladesh and the U.S., among other countries He says the problems…

Published: July 27, 2016 - 7:49 am @…

New Kyrene superintendent’s motto: Work hard, be nice

When Kyrene School District Jan Vesely officially began her duties July 1, the first item she hung on her office walls was not one of her many…

Published: July 27, 2016 - 7:51 am @…

An All-Seeing Eye In The Sky Will Watch Over The Rio Olympics

When the Olympic Games begin next month in Rio de Janeiro, billions of people are expected to watch athletes from countries around the world c…

Published: July 27, 2016 - 7:13 am @…

Would-be Reagan assassin John W. Hinckley, Jr., to be freed after 35 years

John W. Hinckley, Jr., will be released from a government psychiatric hospital more than 35 years after he attempted to assassinate president …

Published: July 27, 2016 - 6:20 am @…

Cruz, advisers collide over high-stakes GOP primary

Ted Cruz isn’t just colliding with Donald Trump since the Republican convention. He’s also at odds with some of his own advisers. At issue: a …

Published: July 27, 2016 - 6:15 am @…

Suspects sought after string of robberies, including carjacking

Police are searching for suspects who took part in a crime spree in Phoenix and Tempe overnight.

Published: July 27, 2016 - 5:48 am @…

Gino's East to open Phoenix location

The headline on the website says it all: Gino’s East deep dish pizza is coming to Phoenix!  Yes, Valley residents will soon have another place…

Published: July 27, 2016 - 5:50 am @…

Is Tim Kaine liberal enough?

PHILADELPHIA — Hillary Clinton’s campaign wants to sell Tim Kaine as a “progressive” who can both get things done and broaden the party’s appe…

Published: July 27, 2016 - 5:20 am @…

Additional forest restrictions being lifted in Arizona

PHOENIX - Additional fire restrictions are being lifted in Arizona due to moisture and higher humidity levels provided by the summer monsoon. …

Published: July 27, 2016 - 5:20 am @…

Facebook on Facebook

Twitter on Twitter


Subscribe to via RSS

RSS Feeds


Most Popular

Online poll