Warning: Interrupted Mom turning 50! - Ahwatukee Foothills News: Communitylife

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
|
||
Logout|My Dashboard

Warning: Interrupted Mom turning 50!

Print
Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Monday, March 2, 2009 12:00 am

Heads up: the Interrupted Mom is going to turn 50 this year.

So you've been warned. I imagine that this is going to be a year filled with mid-life crisis screeds talking about hot flashes and tweezers and unrequited ambition and self-absorbed musings about death. The year 2009 will no doubt culminate in me tearing off into the sunset with the pool boy in a Miata.

Note to self: must recruit a pool boy.

Seriously: I have already been through two classic milestone birthdays, and they haven't bothered me a bit. And while I haven't been thrilled with the now-creaky knees and the apparent need for trifocals I wasn't particularly bothered at the thought of becoming a gray-haired quinquagenarian until one recent day, when a casual comment from a co-worker made me realize: I have completely lost my Redhead Mojo.

To understand the import of this event, you have to understand that red hair isn't just a color, it's a birthright. A state of mind. A license to commit mayhem. We stand in your midst knowing that, while blondes may be sexy and brunettes might be smart, Redhead Nation is a rare, delicious and mischievously acquired taste.

No matter where you go, a redhead stands out. I will admit to what you probably have long suspected: we feel a little sorry for you in your chromatic monotony. Sure, you could dye your hair into an approximation of our sunset palette, but deep down we would all know that it's not quite the same; it's the genetic mutation that causes all the trouble.

I haven't been completely oblivious to the ravages of time. I knew that the gray was attacking my scalp like a mutant case of kudzu, leaving wide swaths of silver that left me looking and feeling like a wiser, sadder version of Pepé LePew.

But I secretly sort of dug it, this whole gray-hair thing. I liked the thought of seeing what God had intended for my head, rather than conducting a death watch and vigilantly plucking the stray white hairs until my next problem would be finding a case of Rogaine on sale. I saw myself going strikingly and valiantly silver, defying convention, aging gracefully and being whatever kind of genarian I happened to be.

The part of my brain that manages such things, however, must have been out buying an Amigo because it completely spaced the part where, if I was Defiantly Silver, that meant I couldn't be Saucily Red any longer.

Spaced it, at least, until I made an offhand comment to that co-worker about the attendant value and drama being a redhead and they looked puzzled and said, "But you're not a redhead."

No! No! You're supposed to look at me knowingly and think Spitfire! Mischievous! Rita Hayworth! The nuns used to call me a "bold, brazen article," and I know for a fact I couldn't be that without hair the color of hammered, well, brass. I'd throw a famous red-haired temper tantrum but now you're just going to blame that on menopause.

It's no use. I have to sadly fold up my T-shirt that proudly says "Consider the hair a big warning label" because if I wear it now, you'll just figure I'll run you over with my walker.

But I totally would have given Charlie Brown a chance.

 

Ahwatukee Foothills resident Elizabeth Evans can be reached at elizabethann40@hotmail.com. Her column appears monthly.

More about

More about

  • Discuss

What's coming to Netflix, Amazon in July

Here's the full list of new movies and TV shows that will start streaming on Netflix and Amazon Prime Video in July 2016. "41 on 41" (2014) "A…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 1:20 pm @ http://www.abc15.com/news/national/whats-coming-to…

How to Have the Best Phoenix Summer Ever

Phoenix New Times A A We know. You know. Everyone knows. Summer's here. And rather than bemoan the season that brings record-breaking weather …

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:53 pm @ http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/arts/how-to-have-th…

What Guston Means to Me

Every artist has a list of heroes—forebearers who’ve saved their ass in moments of doubt in the studio. My list is short, starts with Masaccio…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:52 pm @ http://glasstire.com/2016/06/27/what-guston-means-to-me/

Everything coming to Netflix, Amazon Prime, and HBO Now in July

The battle between Netflix and Amazon may go on for decades to come, but Amazon strikes a distinct blow this month as it wrestles control of a…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:48 pm @ http://www.theverge.com/2016/6/28/12051008/netflix…

'Dark Money' Donation Growth Surges In Arizona

Published: Monday, June 27, 2016 - 2:20pmUpdated: Monday, June 27, 2016 - 4:37pm downloadThe impact of so-called dark money has been increasin…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:33 pm @ http://kjzz.org/content/326569/dark-money-donation…

Safety Net Clinic Workers Catch Break on Student Loans

Montana Advocates Slam Supreme Court's Ruling on Medical Marijuana Supreme Court's Texas Abortion Ruling Gets High Marks in New York Supreme C…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:32 pm @ http://www.publicnewsservice.org/2016-06-28/health…

Whiskey Fire burning near Kingman, Arizona

KINGMAN, AZ - A new fire is burning in northern Arizona. The “Whiskey Fire” is burning 20 miles southeast of Kingman, in the Wabayuma Peak Wil…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:21 pm @ http://www.abc15.com/news/region-northern-az/lake-…

Ahipoki Bowl coming to Chandler in July

Ahipoki Bowl, a California-based seafood bowl concept that made its Arizona debut in Scottsdale in April, is coming to Chandler in July. Diner…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:22 pm @ http://mouthbysouthwest.com/2016/06/28/ahipoki-bow…

Facebook Thinks It Has Found the Secret to Making Bots Less Dumb

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about bots over the years, it’s that they aren’t too bright. From Eliza to Tay, the best-known chat bots ge…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:20 pm @ http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2016/06/28…

Eye to Eye

By Mark Trecka In October, 2015, New Mexico-based interdisciplinary arts collective, Postcommodity, executed the largest binational land art i…

Published: June 28, 2016 - 12:20 pm @ http://www.beaconbroadside.com/broadside/2016/06/t…

Facebook

ahwatukee.com on Facebook

Twitter

ahwatukee.com on Twitter

RSS

Subscribe to ahwatukee.com via RSS

RSS Feeds

Spacer4px

Most Popular

Online poll

Loading…