Mom Interrupted: Mom interrupted turns 50! - Ahwatukee Foothills News: Communitylife

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
Logout|My Dashboard

Mom Interrupted: Mom interrupted turns 50!

Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Thursday, October 8, 2009 11:00 pm

Alert the media: Mom, Interrupted turns 50 this month.

I had hoped to say something pithy and wise about reaching the half-century mark, something between Dave Barry’s famous advice to “Never, under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night” and “Woo hoo! I just got my AARP card!!!!” Stuff that would make me look contemplative, and not like I was looking for my next fix of Preparation H.

I’ve been wracking my brain for sagacious things to say, and asked The Little Man In My Head to see if he could find anything good. You know The Little Man; when someone asks, “Hey, who was the boy you had a crush on in second grade?” and you know you know the answer but you can’t place it and so The Little Man starts rummaging through the file cabinets in your brain and you forget about it until about 3 a.m. when The Little Man pulls out the right folder, says, “GOT IT!” and you wake up from a sound sleep and yell, “Andy Grabowski!” to the consternation of Dad, Interrupted.

It was my secret hope that I’d write something so witty, wise and wonderful that it would get set to music and sell a zillion copies and I’d become rich and famous and y’all could say, “We knew her when...” when National Enquirer ran pictures of me on a jet ski in the Mediterranean with a caption that speculated I might be just a little too friendly with George Clooney. Or Pierce Brosnan. Whoever’s free.

Dad, Interrupted is unamused by this line of reasoning. He thought a jet ski sounded fun, though.

Anyway, George, Pierce and Andy will have to wait, because none of that’s gonna happen. Every wise and pithy thing I was going to say is being subsumed by dirty sock molecules, because I’m up to my ears in socks. They’re everywhere. My sons have apparently taught their socks to breed like rabbits in the couch cushions. Sadly, they have not yet taught their socks to eat their young.

We’ve found socks in the pool filter, my shower, the dog food, the freezer in the garage, the trunk of my car and the vegetable crisper. Hilariously, one fell out of my briefcase during an important meeting with a client. There are none in the laundry hamper, in case you were wondering.

I’m certain that the next time a doctor comes after me with an otoscope she’s going to pull a size 7 Nike sock out of my eustachian tube. I’m shocked that none of the Mars rovers have cruised up on a rock formation only to find that it’s really a sock formation. Years from now, when Mom, Interrupted quits yammering and becomes Mom, Silenced, I predict that along with my rosary, my Bible, and my Star Trek Pez dispensers (don’t ask) they’re going to find that my casket has been lovingly graced with one dirty sock.

And when The Little Man finally riffles through the last file folder (and after 50 years, I have a lot of Pendaflex to riffle) I guarantee you that it will hold One. Dirty. Sock.

With a hole in the toe.


Ahwatukee Foothills resident Elizabeth Evans can be reached at Her column appears monthly.


More about

More about

More about

  • Discuss

The Clinton Camp Thinks Native American Voters Could Make The Difference In Arizona

If Hillary Clinton pulls off a victory in Arizona next month, Democrats believe it will be due in part to one of the red state’s key voting bl…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 2:59 pm @…

Donald Trump's Border Wall Falling Flat In Arizona

By Luciana Lopez and Chris Kahn NEW YORK (Reuters) – Donald Trump rode to the top of the Republican ticket promising a “big, beautiful, powerf…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 2:29 pm @…

NOW HIRING: Apple, several Valley companies looking for workers, seasonal help wanted

Apple Apple's data center in Mesa is hiring professionals to install and service servers, storage systems, and network equipment. There are op…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 2:29 pm @…

US election 2016: Hillary Clinton's bid for Republican stronghold

If Hillary Clinton is going to break through the narrow electoral map that has dominated the US presidential landscape for 16 years, some trad…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 2:19 pm @

Clinton takes fight to Arizona, long a Republican bastion

PHOENIX (AP) — There is palpable momentum for Democrat Hillary Clinton in Arizona, a state so traditionally Republican that her party's nomine…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 1:49 pm @

Obama, Holder Push Democrat Advantages in Statehouses

During his final State of the Union address, President Barack Obama insisted that one means of ending the nation’s polarized political environ…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 1:47 pm @…

‘Sneakers’ Hacker Drama Based On Movie In Works At NBC From Walter Parkes, Laurie MacDonald & Tom Szentgyorgyi

TV Universal Pictures NBC has put in development Sneakers, a hacker drama based on the 1992 movie starring Robert Redford, from former The Men…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 1:42 pm @…

Soros Group In Hot Water For Arizona Election Law Violations

Arizona Family reports that an attorney for Republican incumbent Bill Montgomery’s re-election campaign for Maraicopa County Attorney filed a …

Published: October 23, 2016 - 1:41 pm @…

'He's being waterboarded by these issues': Top Trump ally laments women accusing him of sexual assault

Former Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, one of the most prominent early Donald Trump supporters, asserted that the Republican presidential nominee was…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 1:19 pm @…

Apartments could replace Bashas’ center at Seventh Avenue, Osborn in Phoenix

Another new apartment development could be coming to central Phoenix with plans to redevelop the Bashas’-anchored shopping center at Seventh A…

Published: October 23, 2016 - 12:58 pm @…

Facebook on Facebook

Twitter on Twitter


Subscribe to via RSS

RSS Feeds


Most Popular

Online poll