Mom Interrupted: Mom interrupted turns 50! - Ahwatukee Foothills News: Communitylife

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
|
||
Logout|My Dashboard

Mom Interrupted: Mom interrupted turns 50!

Print
Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Thursday, October 8, 2009 11:00 pm

Alert the media: Mom, Interrupted turns 50 this month.

I had hoped to say something pithy and wise about reaching the half-century mark, something between Dave Barry’s famous advice to “Never, under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night” and “Woo hoo! I just got my AARP card!!!!” Stuff that would make me look contemplative, and not like I was looking for my next fix of Preparation H.

I’ve been wracking my brain for sagacious things to say, and asked The Little Man In My Head to see if he could find anything good. You know The Little Man; when someone asks, “Hey, who was the boy you had a crush on in second grade?” and you know you know the answer but you can’t place it and so The Little Man starts rummaging through the file cabinets in your brain and you forget about it until about 3 a.m. when The Little Man pulls out the right folder, says, “GOT IT!” and you wake up from a sound sleep and yell, “Andy Grabowski!” to the consternation of Dad, Interrupted.

It was my secret hope that I’d write something so witty, wise and wonderful that it would get set to music and sell a zillion copies and I’d become rich and famous and y’all could say, “We knew her when...” when National Enquirer ran pictures of me on a jet ski in the Mediterranean with a caption that speculated I might be just a little too friendly with George Clooney. Or Pierce Brosnan. Whoever’s free.

Dad, Interrupted is unamused by this line of reasoning. He thought a jet ski sounded fun, though.

Anyway, George, Pierce and Andy will have to wait, because none of that’s gonna happen. Every wise and pithy thing I was going to say is being subsumed by dirty sock molecules, because I’m up to my ears in socks. They’re everywhere. My sons have apparently taught their socks to breed like rabbits in the couch cushions. Sadly, they have not yet taught their socks to eat their young.

We’ve found socks in the pool filter, my shower, the dog food, the freezer in the garage, the trunk of my car and the vegetable crisper. Hilariously, one fell out of my briefcase during an important meeting with a client. There are none in the laundry hamper, in case you were wondering.

I’m certain that the next time a doctor comes after me with an otoscope she’s going to pull a size 7 Nike sock out of my eustachian tube. I’m shocked that none of the Mars rovers have cruised up on a rock formation only to find that it’s really a sock formation. Years from now, when Mom, Interrupted quits yammering and becomes Mom, Silenced, I predict that along with my rosary, my Bible, and my Star Trek Pez dispensers (don’t ask) they’re going to find that my casket has been lovingly graced with one dirty sock.

And when The Little Man finally riffles through the last file folder (and after 50 years, I have a lot of Pendaflex to riffle) I guarantee you that it will hold One. Dirty. Sock.

With a hole in the toe.

 

Ahwatukee Foothills resident Elizabeth Evans can be reached at elizabethann40@hotmail.com. Her column appears monthly.

 

More about

More about

More about

  • Discuss

Tuesday Morning Briefing: The elephant in the race

Republican senators John McCain and Marco Rubio face their primary fates tonight, as they fight to retain their seats against opponents with l…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 5:45 am @ http://blogs.reuters.com/reuters-news-now/2016/08/…

China regulator to curb news that promotes "Western lifestyles"

Driving in Canada Canada - a home away from home Canada, it's time to change! Living with a disability in Indo-Canadian society The empire str…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 5:38 am @ http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/china/Chi…

An Ariz. school banned her Black Lives Matter T-shirt. So she boycotted her school.

It was picture day, and so like most high school students, Mariah Havard wanted to pick an outfit that said something — something about her su…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 5:36 am @ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp…

'Blazing Saddles,' The Best Interracial Buddy Comedy, Turns 40

Mel Brooks' Western spoof Blazing Saddles turns 40 Friday, and along with its over-the-top jabs at racism and Hollywood, it set the gold stand…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 4:44 am @ http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/02/07/…

Can Kimbal Musk Do For Farms What Elon Has for Cars?

For more than 150 years, Pfizer manufactured pharmaceuticals in its 660,000-square-foot factory on Flushing Avenue in South Williamsburg, Broo…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 4:38 am @ http://www.takepart.com/article/2016/08/29/indoor-…

McCain braces for squeaker in today's primary

PHOENIX — John McCain is hoping for a blowout in his Senate primary on Tuesday. He’s bracing for a squeaker. McCain says people in his state a…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 4:35 am @ http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/john-mccain-…

SimCities: Can City Planning Mistakes Be Avoided Through Data-Driven Simulations?

In cities across the world, governments use data—about infrastructure, health and safety, or citizen satisfaction—to improve services. But dat…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 4:05 am @ http://www.govtech.com/data/SimCities-Can-City-Pla…

Incumbents Poised For Big Wins Despite All The Attention On Outsiders

Three big-name political insiders have been targets of the activist, outsider wings of their parties. And yet all three — Republican Sens. Joh…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 3:34 am @ http://www.npr.org/2016/08/30/491807412/despite-ye…

The ultimate guide to how and where to use Apple Pay

Nearly two years after it launched in October 2014, Apple Pay—the company’s flagship mobile payment platform—continues its breathtaking growth…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 3:05 am @ http://www.macworld.com/article/2834669/ios/the-ul…

Trump hovers over McCain, Rubio U.S. Senate re-election contests

left right left right WASHINGTON Republican voters in Arizona and Florida are expected to pick Senators John McCain and Marco Rubio as their r…

Published: August 30, 2016 - 2:33 am @ http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-rep…

Facebook

ahwatukee.com on Facebook

Twitter

ahwatukee.com on Twitter

RSS

Subscribe to ahwatukee.com via RSS

RSS Feeds

Spacer4px

Most Popular

Online poll

Loading…