Roadblocks, obstacles to dating - Ahwatukee Foothills News: Community Focus

Roadblocks, obstacles to dating

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Posted: Friday, March 8, 2013 7:49 am | Updated: 8:14 am, Fri Dec 13, 2013.

If you are returning to the dating world after a long time away, or if you have not had the dating life you hoped for, maybe it is time to try something different. Reflect on these dating roadblocks and see if you experience more success and happiness in your dating life by overcoming them.

Excuses/excuses

Do not be too quick to write someone off. I would never date a cop. She is too tall. You never know, there could be something great about this person that would offset that quality you think you don’t like.

Continual conflicts with time, money, kids, work. Accept that dating is an investment. There is some sacrifice, so something will have to be given up. You may have to “waste” time to get to the worthwhile relationship.

Expect 10 bad dates for every good date. Get something positive out of your bad date such as a new restaurant, dating practice, learning something, trying a new outfit, even if it isn’t a match.

The past

Figure out what has worked and not worked in your past relationships and what needs to change going forward.

Determine if your past partners had similar characteristics that were a problem and why you kept attracting the same type of person, such as a user, philanderer, unemployed or gold digger. If your past partners are only concerned about what they are getting from the relationship or if you are, it won’t be successful. Relationships must be a foundation of loving and giving. There is no room on either side for a foundation of “what’s in it for me.”

Lack of self confidence

If you avoid dating because you don’t have something to offer, get something to offer. If you feel you don’t have what most men/women are attracted to, get attractive. And while there are some superficial traits, there are many less superficial traits that people love to be around, being fun, positive, supportive, sweet can be very refreshing.

Driven by rejection or fear

Fear of being alone leads to rushing into the wrong relationship. Put some thought into what you need in a partner and observe over time if someone is compatible.

Fear of rejection during the date leads to avoiding dates. Just think about what you’re observing and deciding about your date and have fun, be your best version of you. What you need most of all from someone is someone that appreciates you. If they don’t, it doesn’t work for you.

Unrealistic expectations

You are not going to like everything this date does or say. Be open to taking some time to get to know him/her. If there is anything appealing, decide to discover more and have a second date. That is all you need to decide. Look at yourself closely to make sure you are seeking a person with similar qualities and contributions that you would bring to the relationship.

• Becky Johnston, MA, MBA, LPC, is the author of, “The Dating Coach Workbook,” a tool that she uses in her Ahwatukee Foothills practice. Reach her at (480) 245-6080, info@resolutions-az.com, or visit www.resolutions-az.com.

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