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True romance in the 21st century

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Posted: Sunday, February 13, 2011 11:00 am

Women love

romance. You

only have to

peruse the shelves at

Barnes and Noble to see

the evidence. Considering

that about 70 percent of

books published don’t

make a profit, publishers

are very discerning

about what they invest

in, and romantic fiction

is still thriving. The

same is true for movies

having a strong romantic

component (men, don’t

check out yet, you may

learn something).

There is such an

emotional connection

as we follow a story of

people finding their way

to each other and ending

up in a life-long love affair.

Think of The Notebook. A

young couple so obviously

meant to be together,

but complications break

them up until they find

their way back. We see

the passion of youth and

infatuation, the grief

of separation and the

abiding spirit of honest,

selfless commitment.

Even the painful parts are

sweet and lovely.

Unfortunately life

doesn’t typically follow

the storyline of

a novel or the

scripting of a

movie. While

real women

have romantic

relationships and

marriages that

likely include the

stages of blind

adoration, a

smidge of discord

and (hopefully)

long-term commitment,

there is also life outside

the frame of the screen.

We battle our selfimage

issues, strive to

stay fit and attractive,

seek to find relevance,

worry about our children,

care for ill or aging loved

ones, squeak out financial

provision, all the while

deeply desiring the

absolute love of one man.

We want him to tell us

we’re beautiful and make

us believe he really thinks

so. We want him to point

out the ways we

are significant, to

reassure us about

our children, to

partner with us as

we care for others

and to work as

hard as we do to


That’s the way

we’re wired and

it’s no mistake

because all those

things are according to

God’s model for romance

and marriage. But in

order to achieve this

picture-perfect design,

there is one major

requirement: Two people

who are willing to hold up

their end of the equation.

Many women don’t get

that. They want the

fabulous leading man but

don’t see that instead of

being the leading lady,

they’re the lazy, sarcastic,

self-absorbed side-kick.

Or maybe they have good

hearts but aren’t really

putting in the time and

energy it takes to keep

their end of the teetertotter

off the ground.

We can’t expect to be

regarded as a princess if

we act like a commoner.

As daughters of the King,

our first priority should

be to make sure our lives

reflect the character of

our Father. If so, we’re

worthy of (and will

attract) a man who wants

to treat us accordingly.

Perhaps you are

holding up your end but

the guy at the other end is

slacking. You’re the living

definition of a wonderful

woman but he takes

you for granted, doesn’t

help out and seldom

seems to offer praise or

compliments. If you’re

not married to him, think

about losing the dead

weight and focusing on

becoming the best you

can be, trusting God to

intersect your path with

the right man as you walk

on. If you are married,

well, I suggest you

touch base with a good

counselor or coach to

help you find equilibrium

in your relationship,

and then perhaps the

romance will emerge.

Consider reading Sacred

Influence by Gary Thomas

and The Man Whisperer by

Rick Johnson.

Whether you’re

single or in a committed

relationship do you

feel that you’re lacking

romance? Why is it

important? What can you

do today to add a little

pizzazz to your life on

Valentine‘s Day and every


Ahwatukee Foothills

resident Diane Markins

can be reached at Diane@

Visit her blog www.

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