Seven hang-ups of highly effective liberals

The devoted liberal's reality filter closes tighter than the door to Hillary Clinton's brain when truth knocks.

"Progressive" describes that which comforts liberals while defying rationality. They are the elite, bristling with ideas on how to run government and society.

Affirmations reinforce a sense of superiority and show off their holiness: "Give peace a chance. War is not the answer. You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd."

What makes liberals like this?

They live in theory, ignoring endless disasters and pretending the world actually operates as they imagine. Unable to stomach human nature's dark side, ideology shields senses and plays to their insatiable need to feel good - about themselves. It spawns a belief that behavior can be legislated, hatching countless "helping" programs that only intensify human failings.

Liberals despise unbelievers who stress that handouts enable dependence. Might such blasphemers also deem it unwise to poke at your eyes and ears with a Barack Obama campaign pin? Dare we answer?

Logic drives the liberal into vapor lock. Unpracticed in the code of the enlightened ones, novices suffer personality flaws or "hang-ups" common to conservatives and libertarians. They:

1. Let facts influence them.

2. Place importance on results.

3. Think.

4. Hold people accountable for choices and actions.

5. Judge behaviors as right, wrong, good or bad.

6. Attribute humane qualities, particularly decency, to conservatives.

7. Ascribe noble intentions and behaviors to America.

Victors over these imperfections become highly effective liberals. They attain elevated consciousness and promise to save humanity. These guardians of salvation wield their own seven hang-ups as anesthesia against liberalism's failure-infested track record.

When dogmatists encounter agenda-busting facts, they grin the knowing grin, stare the enlightened stare, and chant blissful fallacies over and over again. Like so, liberals cling to their feel-good by equating idealism to practicality, nonsense to wisdom, blindness to vision, and growling at anyone exposing the futility in their "solutions."

These creatures hoarsely whine about reality in roles like actor, government subsidized artist, critic, social worker, unemployed Air America host, psychologist and Democrat politician.

Conservatives produce results and output. Liberals' birthright is to govern results and distribute output. They seek freebies and preferential treatment for "victims" whose numbers swell as liberal schemes multiply. Election results thus ensured, herds of donkeys leap forth to carry the inevitable casualties to gathering places where "help" is dispensed.

Please join me in future columns as I teach about liberals' seven hang-ups - their guiding principles. This alone will not anoint you as expert. Fear not - 20 percent of Americans call themselves "liberal." They are full of ... willingness to embrace chaotic emotion in lieu of evidence. You'll swear you're in an echo chamber as your complaints waft back to you in soul-drenching validation.

You'll build confidence through idyllic ignorance of all things logical, see yourself as smart in life's classroom of dunces, adopt rabid devotion to liberalism, and count yourself as kindhearted and moral among depraved ogres. You'll discover there is no need for thought.

Liberal is as liberal does.

Chuck Roger is a former Intel executive who has lived in Ahwatukee Foothills with his wife since 1995. He can be reached at chuckroger@cox.net.