Therapy’s gifts

Part of my role as a therapist is confronting issues as I see them. This can be very distressing to clients. Unfortunately, clients sometimes become angry when I confront them with the truth.

For instance, if clients exhibit verbal abuse toward their child or their spouse in a session, I must point it out so they can make the changes they need to make.

My office is a microcosm of a client's life, and if clients reveal verbally abusive behavior in my office, I assume that they also display it in their everyday lives. Therapists must challenge their clients to see what they are unwilling to see, to make the changes they need to make.

Therapists can teach their clients the quadrants of the Johari Window. This personality paradigm is utilized to show individuals their level of self-disclosure.

There are four quadrants: public, blind, secret and unconscious.

- Quadrant 1 is the public self (known to self and to others).

- Quadrant 2 is the blind self (unknown to self and known by others).

- Quadrant 3 is the secret self (known to self and unknown to others).

- Quadrant 4 is the unconscious self (unknown to self and to others).

The quadrants vary in size from individual to public. The goal of therapy is to help clients increase their public self and decrease the other quadrants. Therapists hope to help clients decrease the size of their unconscious selves by encouraging them to explore the deeper part of themselves. The secret self shrinks as clients learn to share more and more of themselves first to their therapist and then to other important figures in their lives. And, of course, the blind quadrant is especially important because clients must see themselves as others see them.

Irvin Yalom, a world-renowned psychiatrist says, "It is through feedback that patients become better witnesses to their own behavior and learn to appreciate the impact of their behavior upon the feelings of others."

For positive change and personal growth to take place, clients have to look at themselves in an antithetic way, to see themselves as others see them, to accept the things they can change and then go about changing them. Then, when they truly understand themselves - the characteristics they love and the qualities they hate - they will be able to make the changes that they need to make to create the relationships they desire!

Dr. Kristina Welker is a doctor of psychology and a licensed therapist in private practice. She is a member of the Ahwatukee Foothills Behavioral Health Network. Contact her at (480) 893-6767 or drkristina@drkristinawelker.com.